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1:51am journal

If someone were to replay that morning again for me,
id ask you to keep my eyes blindfolded. i would not
want to see you or see your lips moving, see your eyes,
your eyebrows like a broken bridge, the smell of your mouth wet
with tears, the color of the wall, the floor, see the reflection
of your shadow leaning towards me, I would not be able to stand up.
i would have to kneel down in front of you, or sit, I
want my head to be closer to the earth next time, I hear
about it. Then I will ask you to guide me, ask you to spell
the words instead of saying them.
then the invisible vacuum that sucks
all the air out of a room enters, you would
have to spell that too. b...r...e...a....t...h...e .p...l...e...a...s....e
.....s...a....m...m...y. you guide my hands to yours
and you hold them as if they too were yours, you
breathe for me, cause you too loved her. you too know
what d....e....a...t....h.... smells like, how it greets
you in the morning, how it makes you take
wrong turns, up against a wall or someone else.
Thank goodness I have you. You who are not
afraid to spell it out, you who can utter
the words, you whom I l...o....v....e will d...i...e..
too, like me, like anger, like pain, pain temporarily
stops, temporary too is the dark black fabric, a wet
dark, heavy fabric we have chosen to wear like a cape,
to wear through this time is also temporary.
That, I can say,
this time, I will not spell G....R...I....E.....I will say it
GRIEF. This is grief, it is formless like my thoughts,
it is early morning, it is evening, it is the in-between laughter
and tears, it is the moment between an inhale
and an exhale. This is called choking, when I choose
not to see, speak and listen to Grief.

So these are the words we say, and this is how
we say it, this is how it is spelled, this is
how it also ends.

2008 Snow

“There can be no knowledge without emotion. We may be aware of a truth, yet until we have felt its force, it is not ours. To the cognition of the brain must be added the experience of the soul.” Arnold Bennett (1867-1931)
No amount of knowledge can prepare us for bereavement. Grief is the most intense and enduring emotion we can experience. No quick fix. No short-cut. An ancient African saying is “There is no way out of the desert except through it.” Knowledge of the grief process gives us a very generalized map of the terrain we have to cover. Each of us will take a different route. Each will choose his own landmarks. He will travel at his own unique speed and will navigate using the tools provided by his culture, experience, and faith. In the end, he will be forever changed by his journey. Read more here...Collapse )

Special Days

I titled this video "Special Days". It's a way for me to honor my mother who died in December 28, 2005. I wanted to share this with you because I find that preparing for holidays without your loved one can be very difficult. Enjoy it.

With love,


A dear dear friend

I came across this photo last night. I miss Jack a lot. He was the father I never had. I took care for him for 3 months before he died. It was a privilege to be asked to assist in the Jack's end-of-life care.

"Don't let anyone break your spirit, Sam." - Jack Simpson
Understanding Your Grief: The Roller Coaster Effect
by Nora Knople

It has been said over and over again...grief feels like an emotional roller coaster. How true. One day you feel up and the next day down. Know this...you are not the only person on the roller coaster. Many describe these feelings. Most want the roller coaster to come to a screeching halt so they can just get off. But, it is on this sometimes scary, sometimes exhilarating ride that we truly experience the process of grief. You will feel a multitude of emotions on this ride. Read more here...Collapse )
The Practice of Phowa
The best and easiest way to help a dead person is to do the essential practice of phowa as soon as we hear that someone has died. This is a simple practice which anyone at all can do. Try to do the phowa in the place where the person died, or at least picture that place very strongly in your mind. There is a powerful connection between the dead person, the place of death, and also the time of death, especially in the case of a person who died in a traumatic way. Read more here...Collapse )